CON GAMES: Happy Anniversary To Us!


Step right up for our Third Anniversary Operation Iraqi Freedom Celebration!

Things are going great—and if you don’t believe me then give a listen to Rush Limbaugh in his Anniversary III speech comparing the 2,300 dead United States soldiers with the 120,000 Americans who died in car crashes over the last three years without any military intervention whatsoever—and the thousands of our fellow citizens who died when they fell down or took poison.

All you’ve got to do to have a good old time all the ding-dong Anniversary day is to re-calibrate what you think of the dead bodies coming back from Iraq. It was easier to celebrate when our government would not let us see the bodies at all, not even when they were draped in the American flag. The point is there’s really no reason to let a couple thousand war dead get you down, not with the rampant violence to all living things on our nation’s roadways. If you want to see dead people, then look at the Vietnam War or a movie by M. Night Shyamalan.

And don’t let all this talk about a civil war in Iraq get you into a tizzy during our Operation Iraqi Freedom Celebration. Repeat after me: there is no civil war. Don’t you listen to the liberal media naysayers like George Will saying: “Iraq’s civil war—which looks more like Spain’s in the 1930s—began months ago.” Senator Chuck Hagel, a Republican from Nebraska, said on a Sunday show that United States generals (plural) are telling him we are in fact doing a modified hangout in a civil war. And former Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi is talking civilly about a “point of no return.”

“It is unfortunate that we are in civil war,” Allawi opined. “We are losing each day, as an average, 50 to 60 people through the country, if not more. If this is not civil war then God knows what civil war is.”

Well maybe Mr. Smarty-Pants Former Prime Minister just doesn’t know what a civil war really looks like. Maybe he should be listening to President George W. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. Now those are three government leaders who know a civil war when they haven’t seen one.

“Turning our backs on postwar Iraq today would be the modern equivalent of handing postwar Germany back to the Nazis,” Rummy wrote in an op-ed piece in The Washington Post. “It would be as great a disgrace as if we had asked the liberated nations of Eastern Europe to return to Soviet domination.”

Okay, so there’s a problem there, historically speaking. The problem is not the Sunnis coming back into power but the Shia militia, sanctioned by the Ministry of the Interior, wiping out the Sunnis. Nobody’s talking about handing the country back to Saddam Hussein or the Saddam Fedayeen. There’s just trying to keep the Shia from murdering the Sunnis as part of what George Will calls “ethnic recleansing.”

Not satisfied yet? If you don’t like what’s going on in Iraq, there’s always Afghanistan to celebrate. Will quotes Defense Intelligence Agency chief Lt. Gen. Michael Maples as saying “insurgents now represent a greater threat to the expansion of Afghan government authority than at any point since late 2001.”

“That government has an army of only 35,000 for a country nearly 50 percent larger than Iraq,” Will writes. “The insurgency, by draining the government’s energy, serves the lords of the heroin trade that accounts for at least a third of Afghanistan’s gross national product.”

If you can’t celebrate that kind of economic growth, then you are the wrong kind of conservative. It’s that simple: a growing, illegal economy is much better than a stagnant legal economy, according to government experts who know better than you do

“The terrorists seem to recognize that they are losing in Iraq,” Rumsfeld writes. “I believe that history will show that to be the case.”

See what I mean? History is on the case even as we speak. Things have never been better in Iraq and Afghanistan. You saw “Shock and Awe,” the U.S. bombing of Baghdad on Day one three years ago? That worked, didn’t it? We won the war, didn’t we? So what are you worried about? When it comes to wiping our weapons of mass destruction and delivering democracy, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Posted in: Con Games

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